my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
