I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
