the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
