I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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