They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
