I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
