he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
