You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i've created a new STD.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
