return my video game
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
