i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
