Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
