Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
