she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
