hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
