if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dick very happy bro
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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