Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
