So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
