the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
