One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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