thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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