he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
