we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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