Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
