6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize