if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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