its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
