Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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