sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
