I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I believe in your delicious
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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