She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are all done wearing pants today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
