I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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