just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
