I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
