We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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