Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
