Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
