THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
