she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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