you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
