shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if only i could text you this smell
My pussy is not your playground.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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