saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
