I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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