Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
