Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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