Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
