I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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