she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
