my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
