Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
