I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
