im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
