i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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