You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
