its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
