By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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