the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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