I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
