yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
