I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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