I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's paint friendship bongs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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