i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
