I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
