Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
