Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We just shotgunned beers for America
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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