You can't special order awesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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