Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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