pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
